But sex is not love unless love is already present. 🥣
💥 Wait... That Wasn’t Love? 🔮
Why So Many of Us Confuse 💗 Love, 🍑 Sex, and 🫱🏽🫲🏿 Intimacy — and How to Start Untangling It.
Some of us never got the memo. I overheard my 10-year-old granddaughter saying she couldn’t wait for her little 2½-year-old sister to have twins. These kids grow up in a home that’s more chaos than refuge — no safe haven, no honor. (⚠️ I’ve said at least five times, "You’re too young to be talking about babies and marriage!" Don’t rush to grow up.)
Some never had a safe table where someone said, “This is love. This is just desire. That right there? That’s not intimacy — that’s trauma reenactment.” What I heard growing up was, "Don’t come home pregnant or I won’t be responsible." By 14, five of us were kicked out, treated like slaves, beaten because we weren’t “like the Jacksons” or the Sugarhill Gang.
We learned from chaos. From novelas. From cheating uncles. From a mom who suffered. From music videos that showed getting chosen for your body means being loved. (🦨 Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.)
So let's gently but honestly break it down. 🌀
💗 Love: “I see and choose you.”
When no one explains that sensation isn’t love, but it’s normal.
Real love isn’t about cooking well, looking cute, or staying small.
It says:
🫶 “I see your soul.
I choose to care for it.
Even when I’m triggered, even when I’m tired.
I don’t use you. I don’t abandon you. I honor you.”
If nobody ever taught you this, I’m sorry. That wasn’t your fault. That was your blueprint. But it’s not your forever.
🍑 Sex: “I desire and merge with you.”
When no one says we desire what we were taught... and often it’s dysfunctional.
Sex can feel intimate — bodies, sensation, maybe the first time some felt wanted. But sex is not love unless love is already present.
Sometimes, sex is:
- an escape 🏃♀️
- a performance 🎭
- a trauma reenactment 🔄
- a temporary high because you miss being held 🤲🏽
That doesn’t make you gross. It makes you human.
But we gotta stop calling that “connection” when it’s really a nervous system hit.
🫱🏽🫲🏿 Intimacy: “I trust you with my truth.”
No one ever said intimacy comes from showing your imperfect, authentic truth.
This is what many never saw:
- Being real with someone.
- Letting them witness fear, joy, grief, and mess.
- Sitting in silence without rushing to fix.
- Saying, “I’m hurting,” without fear of mockery.
It’s not about physical nakedness, but emotional undressing, still held with care. 🔮
🥣 If You Never Got the Map, Of Course You’re Lost.
Map? What map? Where do you buy one? 🪡
Be gentle with yourself. The world never taught you. That boyfriend didn’t know. That girl repeated what she saw. Your caregivers were surviving — and you are now learning to live.
You’re not broken for confusing the three.
But you are ready now to slow down and ask:
- 🤔 “Is this love or survival?”
- 🤔 “Is this closeness or coping?”
- 🤔 “Is this healing or hiding?”
🧭 Let’s Make It Plain:
| 💗 Love | 🍑 Sex | 🫱🏽🫲🏿 Intimacy |
|---|---|---|
| Chooses with care | Desires the body | Sees the soul |
| Consistent & nourishing | Temporary or passionate | Honest, safe presence |
| Builds security | Can confuse or cloud | Allows emotional truth |
❤️🩹 For the Inner Child Who Didn’t Know:
You’re not too late.
You’re not stupid.
You just weren’t shown.
But you’re showing up now.
And that is intimacy.
With yourself.
🕯️ Let’s keep learning. Let’s keep untangling.
Let’s stop calling crumbs a meal. You deserve a full bowl. 🥣
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